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Hablo no Espanol!
To this day I still have no idea what really went on...

I'd been on a drunken night out in Barcelona with a bunch of work colleges and I somehow ended up walking back to the hotel by myself, through a very dodgy part of town. Drug dealers, prostitutes, graffiti, that sort of vibe.

As a couple of young men walked passed me, I had just enough time to think "Were they talking about me?" and the next thing I knew there was a knee up in my back and an arm round my throat forcing me to the ground.

Well more fool them! Not only did I have a couple of years of boxing training and Wing Chun under my belt, I was also drunk enough to think I knew how to use it! So I dropped my body down faster than I was being pushed and twisted, getting a clear view of the guys face. My plan was to spring back up and clock him square on the nose, when suddenly some more sensible part of my brain yelled "Stop! What the FUCK are you doing?! You are weak like a kitten! Try something else first!"

So I panicked and yelled "Hablo no Espanol!"

And they stopped. Just like that. One of them helped me back to my fight. "English?" he inquired. "Si, si". "Ah.. lo siento" (sorry). I noticed that my mobile phone had fallen out of my pocket and was lying just in front of them. I looked at it. They looked it. Then one of them picked it up, dusted it off and handed it back to me. We said both say "Adios" and I fucked off back to the hotel as fast my legs would carry me.
(Sun 17th Mar 2013, 12:31, More)