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RIP Michael Bond, creator of Paddington Bear and other characters

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:43, Reply)
AIDS related?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:47, Reply)
yep

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:50, Reply)
"Let's all go to Tesco's...where McBeef buys his best clothes"
As true now as when it was written. But what do YOU buy from Tesco's? Where do you buy your best clothes? What is "McBeef"?

Alt: Shit on a dogs tits?
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:27, Reply)
Oh. God.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:28, Reply)
I know, it might be the best thing I've ever posted

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:31, Reply)
There is a Tesco by my open until 11.
The French manager there thinks I drink too much.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:38, Reply)
He should mind his own fucking business
He should get back to managing the French
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:42, Reply)
When I bought some wine in the corner shop next to my local last friday, the bloke behind the counter said "you know we shut at 10, is one bottle going to be enough?".
I assured him it was, as I was going back to the pub until it shut at 12.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:54, Reply)
#GormoStories

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:03, Reply)
Thought it was a bit cheeky of him tbh.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:07, Reply)
Upselling, m8

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:09, Reply)
Upsell this *points at crotch*

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:10, Reply)
there is a one stop near me, does that count? my local coop is shutting friday for 2 weeks, dunno what i'm going to do tbh

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:31, Reply)
roost somewhere else?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:31, Reply)
Oh!

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:32, Reply)
co-op is very overpriced for what they sell.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:05, Reply)
it's the only shop i use so i wouldn't know, and they seem more ethical than many shops

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:10, Reply)
Picking up my suit tomorrow
The tailor happens to be over the road from Tesco.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:31, Reply)
Might as well have just bought one from Tesco
Every little helps!
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:32, Reply)
I buy an awful lot from Tesco
it's either them or Leclerc, but I begrudge supporting French industries.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:39, Reply)

I buy an awful lot from Tesco
it's either them or


It is I...

, but I begrudge supporting French industries.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:43, Reply)
actual giggles

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:44, Reply)
le lol

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:45, Reply)
^dicky tick(l)er

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:58, Reply)
Soz not replying in this thread, I'm holding fire til the wanky wank thread

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:38, Reply)
you'll be shooting blanks anyway, so it's no loss

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:39, Reply)
Taught me as much as anybody.
Except for maybe my father. Even if he wasn't my uncle, I'd be standing here saying, to our new boss, salute.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:40, Reply)
dog's cock ice lollies

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:42, Reply)
Like rocket lollies, they have a triangular purple tip

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:44, Reply)
+ and spunk coming out the helmit

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:47, Reply)
Nothing: there are no Tesco's in France.
One in every eight pounds spent in the British high street is spent at Tesco's. Probably the 'best' items of clothing I own in terms of manufacturing quality and brand appeal are my Doc Martens, which I bought from a certified Doc Martens retailer, and a couple of nice shirts but I can't remember where I bought them.

Alt: dogs don't have tits in the human sense of the word although they do have nipples and some very muscular dogs with short hair can appear to have the bulging chests known in the bodybuilding community as 'bitch tits'.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:43, Reply)
what's wrong with you, eh?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:46, Reply)
I'm glad someone has the guts to stand up and put this "dog's tits" nonsense to rest.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:47, Reply)
I assumed it was GS

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:49, Reply)
I genuinely do not wish to understand.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:52, Reply)
Doc martens eh?
And you say you're not gay?
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:58, Reply)
he's surely not saying that is he?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:00, Reply)
if he is, the message seems to be getting scrambled along the way

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:04, Reply)
squid. i buy squid.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:44, Reply)
We love squid in our house
And always buy too much. Don't get me wrong, it gets eaten. But it's still too much.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:47, Reply)
i know what you mean
i tend to marinate it, then flash fry it in a dry pan and have it with salad. either that, or thai style soups.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:49, Reply)
Most of our groceries come from Tesco.
We do get a lot from Costco, though.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:49, Reply)
Tesco are cunts
They're total cunts to their suppliers and have zero scruples. My mate's sister was a buyer for them and left to work for Sainsbo's because she was disgusted with them. They'd pressure a small supplier to produce vast quantities of stuff for them leading to them doubling their staff and premises and so on, only to drop them months later when someone else offered them a lower price, causing firms to collapse without giving a fuck.

tl;dr cunt's

Alt: erry day m8
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:56, Reply)
yep my mate worked for them buying and then fucked off to Screwfix or somewhere
their PR people are like robots
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:58, Reply)
TEA OR COFFEE, TEA OR COFFEE

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:08, Reply)
Capitalism is a bit shit, isn't it?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:58, Reply)
^

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:05, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/7899206
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:00, Reply)
*big nose/point*

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:03, Reply)
sorry to bang on about my suit
but I'll need some shirts to go with it and I don't really know what to look for when buying them. What makes a shirt a good shirt?
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:00, Reply)
floral pattern and a massive collar with rounded tips

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:05, Reply)
I gave your nan's "massive collar" a rounded tip last night m8

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:07, Reply)
Sleeves

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:05, Reply)
but how many?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:06, Reply)
it's not the quantity it's the length that counts

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:11, Reply)
At least one per arm.
But get as many as you can afford.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:12, Reply)
the stitching

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:09, Reply)
is it going to earn my trust and then stab me in the back?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:10, Reply)
the quality isnt too bad, thomas pinks are better
www.tmlewin.co.uk
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:15, Reply)
Thomas Pink do a quality shirt, and no mistake.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:26, Reply)
Big frills up the middle and a Harry Hill collar.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:12, Reply)
If it's got long enough shirt tails to wipe your shitty arse when you get caught short after the wedding dinner gives you the runs

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:18, Reply)
a Norton & Sons Savile Row label

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:27, Reply)

i a
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:31, Reply)
standard

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:36, Reply)
I favour a "non iron" shirt,
because life is too short to iron clothes.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:33, Reply)
man knows.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:36, Reply)
Tescos is shit.
Sainsbo's, Aldi or M&S for me.
I generally buy "food"

alt. No ta.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:04, Reply)
at least when it comes to fresh produce
there's no difference between the supermarkets. When I did fruit picking and packing, we'd switch from Tesco to Aldi stickers in the middle of a shift with no difference, then the Tesco ones would come back and we'd put Somerfield labels on them instead.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:06, Reply)

f
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:09, Reply)
one bloke took a punnet of something like peaches* to the bogs
on his return, he claimed to have wiped a different bodily fluid on each one. Poo was definitely involved.

*might have been apples, I don't remember
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:12, Reply)
Some supermarkets internal supply lines are better though. That's what lets aldi/lidl down as they've expanded rapidly.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:10, Reply)
Aldi is super-pikey.
At least have some dignity and go to LIDL.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:22, Reply)
Aldi is a good shop for some things
They're no pikier than Lidl
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:26, Reply)
Maybe it's just the one nearest to me, then.
They just bung their products in the aisles still in their shipping boxes, without bothering to put them on the shelves, and they never seem to sweep the floor.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:32, Reply)
We've got either an Aldi or a Lidl, in town,
but they're so similar that I've never really bothered to notice which it is. Whichever one it isn't is building a new store, down the road, anyway.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:36, Reply)
Is Netto still a thing?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:30, Reply)
It should be.
I have fond memories of Netto.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:32, Reply)
went there once with a friend
it should not be possible to pour corned beef
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:43, Reply)
YESSSSS!!!!!!!! a Richard thread!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO
How the devil are you?

What's the best thing about where you live?

BONUS Q: if Mike Lindup of Level 42 offered to lend you a DVD of dog penises, would you take him up on it?
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:53, Reply)
Someone famous guffed here

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:54, Reply)
I bet it was Brian Jacks

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:00, Reply)
Me, I'm kind of a big deal in the local community.
BONUS A: no, that's not really my bag.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:55, Reply)

big deal care
local
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:01, Reply)

deal in at local community cracker factory
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:01, Reply)
I'm not bad
Best thing about where I live is the closeness of shops, doctor's surgery and pub
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:58, Reply)
Good to know, m8 - good to know

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:01, Reply)
The best thing about Portsmouth
is that it's possible to leave.

I'd borrow the DVD's, then rip them all to my computer.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:00, Reply)
I'll post them to you tonight x

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:02, Reply)
thx m8

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:15, Reply)

it's possible to leave manolith lives there
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:15, Reply)
I think my mate works on the paper there.
Or maybe it's southampton. Hard to tell, they all meld into one.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:17, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8092049
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 14:11, Reply)
I've got all the convenience of big city life
but with a communal spirit of a small town. And the cost of living is well cheap.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:00, Reply)

all the convenience of big city life
but with a communal spirit of a small town. And the cost of living is well cheap
genital herpes
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:03, Reply)
ffs m8, you've gone too far

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:05, Reply)
Solid gold dog shit

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:01, Reply)
wow

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:03, Reply)
Solid gold wow

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:08, Reply)
coz up town funk gonna give it to ya

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:03, Reply)
if you've got gold you can get cash for it in numerous shops now, and there is a wimpey burger

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:04, Reply)
there was a Wimpy in Barking when I lived there, gone now though
Mind you, so have I
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:13, Reply)
There was a slightly sorry looking one in the megabowl here; also gone.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:14, Reply)
is whimpey with an e different to whimpy without e
like whisky/whiskey?
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:52, Reply)
now you've added an extra h i dunno

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:57, Reply)
wisky on the brain

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:00, Reply)
The food has e additives

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:19, Reply)
hard to narrow it down to just the one thing

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:09, Reply)
try

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:15, Reply)
well this is a depressing read
none of these things
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:23, Reply)

"You can probably get high walking down Foleshill without having to buy anything."
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:26, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:27, Reply)
Solid gold lol

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:30, Reply)
Oh I don't know
"You can probably get high walking down Foleshill without having to buy anything."
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:27, Reply)
Got a lovely boating lake on the end of my road, very nice to walk round on a nice evening.summer
No on the dp's. Got a good enough collection meself.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:09, Reply)
interested in swaps?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:13, Reply)
If you have any llama dick videos
I might be interested
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:25, Reply)
Alpaca any good?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:27, Reply)
NOW we're talking

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:27, Reply)
If got alpaca tallywhacka

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:30, Reply)
I've got Alpaca Fudge Packers 9, it's fucking great

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:31, Reply)
Judaism

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:11, Reply)
Orthodox or reform?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:15, Reply)
I think I'd take up Lindup's offer just so that we could foster a meaningful friendship from that first act
but I wouldn't actually watch the DVD and I'd always feel deep down that he was a filthy deviant.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:13, Reply)
bullshit Godby, you'd slap that bad boy in the DVD machine the second your wife went out and you know it

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:14, Reply)
I don't even have a DVD machine
I've got boxes of old discs and nothing to play them on.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:19, Reply)
I thought you bought a ps3?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:20, Reply)
shit, do they play DVDs too?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:22, Reply)
Yes. Best get it in the skip.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:23, Reply)
I haven't plugged it in in the last six months
I never have the energy to play it and I got sick to death of NICO IT'S ME YOUR COUSIN
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:27, Reply)
yeah sure mate, sure
*rubs chin*
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:21, Reply)
The pie shop does lasagne pies and there's an alright Nepalese takeaway.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:14, Reply)
There are two Gurkha restaurants in Winchester - both utter shit
My mother ordered some korma-esque abortion which was so mild and sweet they served it with a glace cherry on top, talk about taking the piss
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:17, Reply)
Well don't use them as your frame of reference, as I've had some absolutely delicious Gurka resturants.
I did have some sweet mango curry dish once that was a bit horrid, but that's my own fault.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:18, Reply)
My mother hates gurkhas.
Because racism, and "they get their own bus service".
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:21, Reply)
WTF?
That amount of sacrilege actually made me shudder slightly.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:46, Reply)
Lasagne pie?
That doesn't sound good.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:17, Reply)
It's brilliant. Imagine spag bol in a pie case with a thick layer of melted cheese.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:19, Reply)
My mum used to make cobbler using spag bol.
That was alright, so I suppose your pie might pass muster.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:22, Reply)
No, it really doesn't

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:19, Reply)
do they put the pasta in the pie?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:18, Reply)
Yeah, but it's more like small penne rather than sheets

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:20, Reply)
Then why do they call it lasagna pie?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:21, Reply)
I'm not sure why I'm asking this, to be honest

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:23, Reply)
Because it's a bit like lasagne and a pie.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:24, Reply)
But lasagne has sheets of pasta.
If it's not sheets it's just a spar bol and a white sauce?
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:30, Reply)
Well I'm not 100% sure it's sheets, I'll make a point of looking next time I get one.
I suppose the cheese top is what makes it a bit like lasagna, I dunno.

If you really want to get upset, my mates missus makes lasagne with leeks instead of pasta 'cos she's allergic to wheat.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:32, Reply)
I saw that on the Hairy Bikers, it actually looked ok

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:36, Reply)
I'd probably eat it. I've had what I think was a veggie lasagna by mistake (if it wasn't it had so little meat it'd qualify) and it was alright.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:45, Reply)
Fucking hell.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:37, Reply)
it means cooking pot
the pasta is named after it
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:56, Reply)
Ah well, that explains it

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:05, Reply)
It's false advertising.
Let's get them shut down.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:31, Reply)
Sounds like a macaroni pie

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:26, Reply)
+Agadoo, doo, doo

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:23, Reply)
it puts the pasta in the pie or else it gets the hose again

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:37, Reply)
a Nepalese has just opened over the road from me
might try it out tonight
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:21, Reply)
My wife's mates with a Nepalese couple.
They can put the pints away like billy-o
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:25, Reply)

t r
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:36, Reply)
clever

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:40, Reply)
yes!

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:40, Reply)

?
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:54, Reply)
It's relatively central, well-connected and quiet
and once you get within a couple of streets of my house, you can hear birdsong at any time of day, which makes it feel a bit like you're in the country.

BONUS A: why not, I'm low on beer coasters. Fun fact: the exclamation mark is known in the printing industry as a "dog's cock".
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)
Tbh I'd rather he lent me a vhs recording off the telly of a peroxide 20-something in a tight t shirt getting excited over Sony DualShocks

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:15, Reply)
Berlin Chat 2: The Return

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:16, Reply)
Thankfully it'll take another 700-ish posts before I get into dozer sian territory

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:21, Reply)
you're already thinking about her feet

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:22, Reply)
You know that uber-creepy Sian upskirt blog?
The Mail is trying to compete, by posting loads of screengrabs of Susanna Reid
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:25, Reply)
Pff.
Of course, this is the same 'newspaper' that froths at the mouth ranting about paedophiles and on the very next page posts a full-colour close-up of a twelve-year-old princess with the headline "Look how she's grown!"
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:33, Reply)
I don't much care for that last thread.
Can anyone post a better one?
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:42, Reply)
I cam

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:43, Reply)
Dad boot

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:46, Reply)
A sequel
Is on it's way. Sky's production budget just seems like a massive tax write-off scheme.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:48, Reply)
Das Boot 2: Boot In Da Hood

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:49, Reply)
no

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:45, Reply)
You're asking a lot

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:46, Reply)
not you, it would appear

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:48, Reply)
You're asking a lot

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:49, Reply)
No, Richard, that was the point.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:53, Reply)
sure

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:49, Reply)
How about a good 'people in the papers pointing at the thing that's made them angry' picture?
pbs.twimg.com/media/DDUjXiLXgAA1bwq.jpg
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:49, Reply)
Haha
I'm sure someone else has already pointed this out; if it bothers them so much, why didn't they sweep it up?
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:50, Reply)
I'll sweep you up

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:52, Reply)
Because that doesn't get you in the paper does it?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:53, Reply)
Because they are fat, and fat people are lazy.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:57, Reply)
no can do, I'm afraid

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:53, Reply)
her arm is the second hand
assets.catawiki.nl/assets/2017/6/10/f/6/3/f63e0f80-95bb-4b5b-a4fb-cbb6b37c2bb6.jpg
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:57, Reply)
Kids TV presenters of the early 90s.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:50, Reply)
Might not count
but Richard O'Brien in full Rocky Horror mode on The Crystal Maze was fun.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:52, Reply)
^ Andy Peters Fan Club President

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:52, Reply)
The killer of TOTP
The man is a monster
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:03, Reply)
Sylvester McCoy
because he hosted Doctor Who and that's a fucking kid's show for kids
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:53, Reply)
He ran up the stairs and the dalek followed him!
RIP the Cartmel Masterplan.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:08, Reply)
I go away for 5 minutes and Berlin Chat has been deleted :'(

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:53, Reply)
Wow, it has and all.
Tragic.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:55, Reply)
I reckon somebody confessed to wanking over the cartoon girl dinosaur off of the title sequence then immediately regretted it

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:57, Reply)
"somebody"

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:00, Reply)
What? Who deleted that?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:59, Reply)
well this will run and run

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:57, Reply)
i love this website

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:58, Reply)
you name a better one
You can't, can you
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:00, Reply)
i thought i had one but then i realised it was just the faq page

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:03, Reply)
*chuckle*

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:04, Reply)

www.guysiner.com/mjguest/index.html
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:13, Reply)
...wow

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:18, Reply)
don't pester him for autographs

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:19, Reply)
no, no. he's a busy man

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:20, Reply)
"I consider myself to be ‘haff and hawf’"
IBYD
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:20, Reply)
Even his website's from the mid-90s.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:22, Reply)
i wasn't, i was already sparking by then , soz

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:00, Reply)
Fred Dinenage
Still doing the news for ITV in the Brighton area.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:02, Reply)
he used to frequent the cinema i worked in, fact fans

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:04, Reply)
I saw him in waterlooville precinct several times, when I was a kid

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:05, Reply)
the only part of waterlooville i've ever cared about is the ross records that's probably not there anymore

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:07, Reply)
No, I don't think that's there anymore
It's really gone down hill. It used to be a proper shipping centre, when I lived there.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:12, Reply)
You could say it took a turn for the maersk, ohh hahaha, that's a shipping joke , and I'm probably pronouncing maersk wrong...hahaha

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:39, Reply)
haha, no it's very good
they got his by a cyber attack recently, so it's topical too haha
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:44, Reply)

Highly collectible, 250 quid-ish if you can find one.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:46, Reply)
^the man in the iron maersk

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:47, Reply)
konnie huq
no further discussion required
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:03, Reply)
Who was the one who went mental and bald?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:03, Reply)
You

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:04, Reply)
Baldmonkey

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:04, Reply)
Christ
Four words: Projection on Big Ben
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:06, Reply)
if i could use photoshop, i'd be making that picture right now
but i can't, so i'm not
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:08, Reply)
So the only reason you won't do it is because you don't have photoshop?
That's alarming
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:09, Reply)
i do have it
i just don't know how to use it
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:10, Reply)
y'know, like you with your penus and helmit

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:48, Reply)
yes, I understand

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:49, Reply)
gail 'ooh look at my bum on the houses of parliament' porter?
i used to well fancy her. i thought the baldness was from chemo but it was alopecia all along.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:06, Reply)
Yeah, she was gorgeous

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:06, Reply)
soz lady boarders

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:09, Reply)
Gail Porter?
or Rob Baredome.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:06, Reply)
Alright, Charlie Brooker.
Not really early 90s, though - she didn't get on Blue Peter until 97.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:10, Reply)
i used to watch this every week so you can just shut the fuck up
youtu.be/dHV0ddjRDt8
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:20, Reply)
Poor old Speight

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:23, Reply)
Think of him every time I go through Paddington
Poor fucker.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:08, Reply)
#BBC4lyf

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:25, Reply)
I don't think I could name one, sorry

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:09, Reply)
bollocks

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:10, Reply)
I'd stopped watching children's television by the 90s, in fact I didn't really watch much tv at all between 90-95
I only started watching it again when I went to university
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:18, Reply)
Teletubbies was well trippy lol

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:21, Reply)
not as much as boobahs

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:27, Reply)
lol, "boob"

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:28, Reply)
There's a French rapper called Booba.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:44, Reply)
Just going to post this again.
www.discogs.com/Nonce-The-Sight-Of-Things/master/79526
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:45, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:47, Reply)
This has made me realise how old Roland Rat is.
:(
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:22, Reply)
i don't understand how someone else's experiences can be different from my own, sorry

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:22, Reply)
Alright, my mum.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:28, Reply)
alright

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:33, Reply)
I'm sorry, too -
SORRY YOU'RE SUCH A WANKER!!!!!
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:46, Reply)
Just in time for Fist of Fun, good man

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:48, Reply)
I preferred TMWRNJ.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:01, Reply)
Went to every episode of that
T'was great.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:09, Reply)

ent anked
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:19, Reply)
It was the 90's
We were all doing it.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:35, Reply)
Ed the Duck.
We know how much you love puppets.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:12, Reply)
most of the birds on whatever BBC called their saturday morning show in those days
oh eight one, eight one one etc etc
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:12, Reply)
Trevor and/or Simon, then.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:19, Reply)
Live and Kicking, so Zoe Ball and Emma Forbes.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:37, Reply)
Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:13, Reply)
BONK and BOOB!

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:21, Reply)
Cosmo & Dibbs.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:26, Reply)
i just looked that up because i couldn't believe it was a real thing

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:34, Reply)
oh, it was real, baby

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:34, Reply)
As real as 'Timmy On The Tranny'

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:34, Reply)
i guess this was the modern day equivalent
youtu.be/FnDeKu4MWOw
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:35, Reply)
Ok, I really, REALLY hate Dick & Dom

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:42, Reply)
yeah? i thought i did
but then i saw some of the more anarchic shit they'd do on their show and thought it was probably good that kids have something to watch that isn't completely anodyne
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:47, Reply)
My boys love them
because they're a pair of loud, irritating morons.

That's right.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:49, Reply)
Just like your dad hated Timmy Mallet, no doubt.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:49, Reply)
My dad worked ridiculous hours back then
I doubt he even knows who Timmy Mallett is
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:50, Reply)
but I take your point
My grandfather hated Bob Carrolgees. He would make me turn the tv over if he came on the screen
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:51, Reply)
My dad hated Mallet, and bafflingly Michaela Strachan.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:55, Reply)

h d
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:05, Reply)
Woah.
Everyone's dad was supposed to be a little bit in love with Michaela Strachan.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:10, Reply)
That's what I thought.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:29, Reply)
spitting was still very frowned upon, i wish it still was, bloody kids gobbing everywhere

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:10, Reply)
I hate seeing people spitting in the street
Particuarly on the pavement. If I ever saw my kids doing it, I'd give them a tissue and make them fucking clean it up.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:14, Reply)
I'll spit in the gutter, occasionally,
but only when I'm suffering from what is described in this thread.
I can remember spitting becoming a "cool" thing to do, when I was around 11, but I could never see the attraction.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:19, Reply)
What about the old 'glasgow tissue' like rugby players and that do?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:30, Reply)
They see footballers doing it, then think it looks cool.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:15, Reply)
Just like rape, I suppose

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:19, Reply)
There's nothing cooler than abusing your social standing in order to sexually assault others.
It's big, and it's clever.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:20, Reply)
Footballers probably spit on their victims afterwards too.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:30, Reply)
I reckon they roll around on the floor, clutching their groin and claiming to be the victim.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:39, Reply)
My father could not fucking stand Stu Francis off Crackerjack
He referred to him as a 'simpering berk'. He was right.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:31, Reply)
Was your old man fully aware of the etymology of the word 'berk'? If he was that's funnier.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:32, Reply)
Yes, I am certain he was

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:46, Reply)
Crushing grapes is no laughing matter
Maybe your father objected to someone making light of food wastage?
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:34, Reply)
^ couldn't crush a grape

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:36, Reply)
2nd rate Trev and Simon.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:50, Reply)
We'll never see his like again.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:41, Reply)
Phillipa Forrester
I'd have given her my broom in a cupboard. Eh lads? Eh?



eh?
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:38, Reply)
^
Leather trousers and robot wars.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:46, Reply)
disgusting

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:46, Reply)
She was always a bit too mumsy for me.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 10:55, Reply)
I think that was part of her appeal.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 11:23, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 6:59, Reply)
HIYA!!!!

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 7:14, Reply)
are you always this chirpy in the morning?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 7:16, Reply)
No.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 7:59, Reply)
When you have a connecting flight in the US you have to clear US customs and be fully "landed" correct?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:00, Reply)
No clue
I last went to the US in 1992 for Disneyland Florida and we changed at Cincinnati, but I was mostly asleep, hope that helps.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:03, Reply)
Yes

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:36, Reply)
Fuck

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 13:01, Reply)
Every passenger gets issued with a wingsuit, and is expected to jump out, mid flight,
and glide into their connection.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:01, Reply)
I'm annoyed that Glide is a regular verb
the past tense ought to be glid, like slide/slid. "Glided" just sounds wrong.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:03, Reply)
Gong agree with you
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiy5K81qvbg
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:05, Reply)
Yes yes.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 7:41, Reply)
chilli sos boss?

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 7:43, Reply)
I hit a pigeon on my way to work.
Or rather I headbutted a pigeon at about 30mph.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:08, Reply)
good

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:19, Reply)
Morning

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 7:46, Reply)
wotcha

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 7:50, Reply)
It's not a morning
It's a momorning yeah
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:10, Reply)
Wotevs

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:50, Reply)
Way, hey! and up she rises
ear-ly in the morning.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:08, Reply)
lol like an erection!

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:19, Reply)
I think this says more about you than it does about me m8.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:22, Reply)
IBYD

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:37, Reply)
The Bangleszzzzzzzz

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:48, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:48, Reply)
I'm really pleased with that one, I cannot lie

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:53, Reply)

phwoar
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:50, Reply)
She was gorgeous back in t3h day

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:53, Reply)
She was that.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:11, Reply)
I say morn
you say ING!

Morn

ING!

Morn

ING!
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:12, Reply)
no

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:19, Reply)
Oh come on now
everyone else is having fun
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:44, Reply)
Happy Poznan Remembrance Day!

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:28, Reply)
pretty sure poznan is still there
I'd have noticed
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:39, Reply)
no, you just think it is because you remember it

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:43, Reply)
but they'd have changed the road signs if it was gone

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:50, Reply)
Howdy part-e-ners

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:37, Reply)
Name the film reference and win a prize!

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:37, Reply)
a DVD on dog penises through the ages, presented by Chris Packham

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:38, Reply)
Or 'fudge' as he's known

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:44, Reply)
Schindler's List.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:39, Reply)
no

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:44, Reply)
Brokeback Mountain, you massive bent

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:39, Reply)
no m8

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:44, Reply)
Inner fucken Space, I dunno

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:44, Reply)
Super Size Me by Morgan Spurlock

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:45, Reply)
You lot are RUBBISH
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th0kdLxH640
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:46, Reply)
heavens

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:48, Reply)
+ above, another Sellers classic
www.youtube.com/watch?v=JA5fvO21H6o
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:52, Reply)
mate that's well racist and you should be banned

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:48, Reply)
Richard McBeef off the internet in posting politically incorrect comedy racism shocker.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:49, Reply)
Also, Peter Sellers was born in southsea

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:53, Reply)
no way!

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:55, Reply)
WAY
It's a chinese restaurant now. Mind you, it might have been a chinese restaurant then too....but I doubt it.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:56, Reply)
ahhh sooo rucky!

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:01, Reply)
His parents owned the restaurant - his real name was 'Peter Serrers'

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:12, Reply)
I thought 'Peter' was mandarin for 'food'

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:13, Reply)
it is
You know your stuff, m8 - I'm impressed
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:14, Reply)
*bows*
Ah-so
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:19, Reply)
mandarins are a type of food, yes

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:59, Reply)
Das boot

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:56, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:56, Reply)
I preferred it before you corrected it
'Dad boot'
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:05, Reply)
I'd prefer it if you just fucked off mate

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:18, Reply)
Dad boot

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:19, Reply)
Bad soot

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:30, Reply)
"Dad butt" more like.
You chutney.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:31, Reply)
Short Circuit 1 or 2, can't remember, both were shit except for comedy fake Indians and Ally Sheedy in the bath, cor eh lads

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:27, Reply)
Pretty sure I was in tears in the cinema, when they took an axe to his battery in the second film.
I still choke up when he makes a dash out of the van and gets blown up, in the first.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:46, Reply)
Midnight Cowboy.

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:38, Reply)
Yessss Wednesday

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:42, Reply)
COME ONNNN!!!!!!!!
*Henmans*
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:43, Reply)
*nods*

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:44, Reply)
*observes*

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:49, Reply)
*gestures*

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:56, Reply)
Come on, there's work to be done
stop messing about
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:45, Reply)
^Harry from Don't Hug Me

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:56, Reply)
i don't think that reference is going to land

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:59, Reply)
Not with THIS cat
sorry
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:00, Reply)
too niche for this place?
as if
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:02, Reply)

Don't Hug Me The Hendersons
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:49, Reply)
The past is steeped in shame, but tomorrow's fair game, for a life that's fit for living, good morning beater

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 8:56, Reply)
i'm mr meeseeks, look at me

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:17, Reply)
mr meeseeks, help me make some friends

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:21, Reply)
lol, references!

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:33, Reply)
Not that I'm passive-agressive as a general rule,
but if my boss asks me how I'm getting on with my current project and expects me to be making headway, maybe she should stop talking about her kids for five minutes.
(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 9:47, Reply)
WANK

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:47, Reply)
alright Windy Pig

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:48, Reply)
Wank prawn

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:56, Reply)
prank naww

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:59, Reply)
Don't be silly

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:07, Reply)
sorry :(

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:25, Reply)
yes quite right, there's a time and a place for silliness
and as you well know that's in that bit right at the front in the last fifteen minutes of the last night of the proms, all the rest of the year is about being very serious and sensible and getting on with the job in hand, which is what the electorate would want us to do, they have indicated this on the many occasions when we've asked them whether they want us to be silly or not, and invariably they've wiggled their feelers and fronded their little legs backwards and forwards in a pleasing rippling motion, and this clearly indicates their wishes are 1) only silliness in the aforementioned time and place 2) please get on with the job in hand 3) a light dressing of sauce would be fine
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:34, Reply)
I think I love you vlad

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:44, Reply)
aww, windy, I think I love you too :-D

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:48, Reply)
oh.
you won't like this thing that i did last weekend then
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoqymTzXs_w
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:45, Reply)
au contraire, I DO like that
a little bouncy nyan cat wearing a crisp-shaped mask
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:50, Reply)
Sure, I guess

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:52, Reply)
Prawn wank

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:56, Reply)
Wank prawn?
Are you sure?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:56, Reply)
Pan Wrawnk

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:57, Reply)
District Onan

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:01, Reply)
AAAEVREBAHDEE WANK NOW
DUH! DUH! DUH-DUH DUH!
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:02, Reply)
WAAAAAANKKKK IN THE USA!!! WANK IN THE USA

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:07, Reply)
Thanks my boss just walked by and sacked me for looking at porn

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:09, Reply)
serves you right lol

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:10, Reply)
watch out, the boss is about
watch out, the boss is about
you'd better watch out, the boss is about
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:10, Reply)
aaand whoops, fired again

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:11, Reply)

shop.r10s.jp/yama-sui/cabinet/00360391/img55673996.jpg
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:37, Reply)
*heart eyes facebook thing*

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:51, Reply)
Prawn and pea x20

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 22:14, Reply)
Lol boss wanker prawn

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:24, Reply)
posh, regular or pokey bum?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:39, Reply)
Prawnkey bum

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:44, Reply)
The name's Bum-bum... Willy Bum-bum.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:53, Reply)
Nah. I'm already half blind.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 23:27, Reply)
PRAWN

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:47, Reply)

www.98fm.com/content/000/images/000129/133431_54_news_hub_123674_656x500.jpg
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:13, Reply)
I'd just like to say, that as a big fan of hideous mid-twentieth century food photography, or indeed food photography of hideous mid-twentieth century food, I like these
3.bp.blogspot.com/-zYp3N_sNGOI/UJiMErUzzeI/AAAAAAAADzM/reURFpmNfeg/s1600/003+-+Copy+-+Copy.jpg

pzrservices.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451ccbc69e2013488678132970c-pi

thank you so much for reading, I appreciate it
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:18, Reply)
Holy fuck, loading that second pic is like downloading a blocky bitmap of some tits on a 28.8 kbps modem in 1994.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 22:32, Reply)
The real question is how an image that small can still be 6MB

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 22:35, Reply)
Christ, you weren't joking, were you. :-/

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 22:43, Reply)
If only all browsers supported .tif

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 22:59, Reply)
Tuna ring sounds naughty.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 23:04, Reply)
OK that thread is over I'd say
Lucky you, two in a row from t3h Flebmaster!

What are you food addicts up to tonight? I'm trying a new kofte recipe and drinking wine. Got a new record to listen to: Electric Kingdom by Twilight 22, one of my pissed-up orders from the weekend. I could tell how lashed I was by the sheer volume of order confirmations in my inbox yesterday morning. Fuck it, I'm allowed a treat given my windfall.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:32, Reply)
No one cares, fuck off and shut up

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:33, Reply)

and or
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:47, Reply)
pork curry
and independence day resurgence
and now i'm off home
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:36, Reply)
Pork is well haram m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:41, Reply)
pub time now, watch the footy

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:39, Reply)
ooh
www.hodinkee.com/articles/al-capones-pocket-watch-goes-for-dollar84375-at-auction
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:41, Reply)
now I've bought a three-piece suit, I reckon I need a pocket watch

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:29, Reply)
Yo McBeef, treat yoself
allegro.pl/zegarek-wojskowy-zentra-wehrmacht-iii-rzesza-i6860346735.html
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:32, Reply)
You can pick up loads of supposed ss and Nazi watches , I call bullshit on most

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:34, Reply)
What's that in £

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:01, Reply)
about 40 quid

(, Wed 28 Jun 2017, 7:33, Reply)
You do , be under dressed without one , get a porn one from the 30s

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:34, Reply)
christ, you're not wrong there
NSFW obvs
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:39, Reply)
They were filth, you can pick them up cheap and make a lovely conversation starter when wearing a waistcoat

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 19:30, Reply)
Lol, sex conga.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 19:40, Reply)
I'm thinking meatballs & spaghetti
as it's a bit rainy and drab...
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:43, Reply)
I'm trying this:
allrecipes.co.uk/recipe/20007/lamb-kofta-kebabs.aspx

Normally I use Ramsay's recipe but I thought I'd give this fucker a go as the pic makes me drool
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:46, Reply)
My iskender's worked out really quite well.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:49, Reply)

My isk I'm a massive b
's worked out
quite well.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:50, Reply)
AHEM
My isk I'm a massive b
's worked out really quite w and I sm+
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:53, Reply)
Yes, yes, of course

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:03, Reply)
Frankly I expect this sort of insolence from McBeef, but not you TH, not you.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:14, Reply)
I've led him astray.
I was always being accused of that at school
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:25, Reply)
Pizza and courgetti, m8
Pizza and courgetti
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:48, Reply)
We made pizzas on Sunday and for the first time ever I was fully happy with them
I bought pizza pans from Robert Dyas and that, combined with the introduction of semolina to the dough, seems to have done the trick.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:50, Reply)
Yeah, semolina or coarse meal is really good on a pizza
I just make two rectangle ones on the big baking trays these days.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:51, Reply)
Try putting rice pudding in there instead. I don't know if it's traditional, but it's got to make it nicer what with semolina just being shit rice pudding.
There's been a courgette rattling around in the bottom of my fridge for about a month. I think it got mixed in to my shopping by mistake.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:56, Reply)
hi Gonz

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:58, Reply)
no

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:09, Reply)
I've got Chana Masala for tea tonight.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:49, Reply)
Prawn wank

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:58, Reply)
Clam fist

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:04, Reply)
, baby prawn wank
PRAWN WANK BEBBEH
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:04, Reply)
Cos a prawn wank has a little old face surrounded by tendrils

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:21, Reply)
Phwoar, all those little legs rubbing you

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:05, Reply)
and when things have reached their natural conclusion, you can snap its head off and suck its brains out

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:34, Reply)
tree bark and owl piss

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:08, Reply)
Vegan omelette and suicide

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:20, Reply)
cor! have chips with that

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:21, Reply)
Gonna cook mahself a pizza and kick back to some ultimate breaks and beats, I reckon.
Caffeine-crashed so hard in the office earlier that I almost faceplanted into the keyboard, so naturally I'm having more caffeine tonight.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:34, Reply)
I avoid caffeine after lunchtime, my sleep's bad enough at the best of times

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:36, Reply)
I did that yesterday.
But instead of having caffiene at home I had a 'nap' which evolved into a proper kip, and me getting out of bed to get some toast at about 11pm and 4am.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:37, Reply)
Ack, that's happened to me in the past as well.
It was alright when I was a freelancer and I could crawl out of bed at five to nine and still be at work on time.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:43, Reply)
Band practice / 420 and chilli
Just bought some new vape juices for THE SICKEST RIPS
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:45, Reply)
yesssssss

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:53, Reply)
I'm having square rice pudding and courgette pizzas, thanks for asking

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:32, Reply)
no-one's invited me anywhere so I'll just sit staring at the wall for another evening

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:40, Reply)
do you want to head round for square rice pudding and courgette pizzas, no need for formal dinner dress

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:48, Reply)
Do you mind if I pick the courgette off?
It's alright in a leczo but not on a pizza.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:52, Reply)
go right ahead I won't judge you

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:55, Reply)
I'm sure you will a little bit though

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:57, Reply)
maaaaybe

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 19:00, Reply)
This Weird Old Expat Was Invited Over For Dinner. You Won't Believe What He Did To The Pizza!

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 19:09, Reply)
can't...resist....must...click....

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 19:45, Reply)
Scouts AGM.
Rock'n'roll, muthafukkas!
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:50, Reply)
oh yeah, I've got to sort out some music for my father in law
Beatles, Stones, Led Zep and a load of other guff I'd have thought a bloke in his 60s would be sick of by now.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:58, Reply)
You've clearly not met my dad.
He listens to Led Zep on a more-than-regular basis.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 19:23, Reply)
It was probably forbidden prior to about 1989.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 19:41, Reply)
Would you rather be reincarnated as one of them fish that nibbles on peoples feet in beauty parlors or one of them fish that swims up uretha?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:39, Reply)
aw heck, do I have to choose? can't I be both?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:09, Reply)
Enough of that bollocks
Herro flebster's, Richard here. Since I broke a bit off my tooth on the weekend fooOOOod keeps getting stuck in it and it's really fucking pissing me off.

Is anything really fucking pissing you off? If so, what?

BONUS Q: where's your favourite holiday destination and what kind of break do you like? My sister and her husband went to Egypt and saw literally zero historical stuff, they just stayed in their resort, the peasants.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:02, Reply)
selling shit on ebay

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:09, Reply)
doesn't sound much like a holiday to me m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:11, Reply)
He normally uses Etsy

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:12, Reply)
Netzi, more like.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:47, Reply)
Teste, even more like

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:00, Reply)
I'd love to go back to Rome and Venice, obviously
and I'd like to see more of Iceland.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:11, Reply)
balls and penice MORE LIKE

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:19, Reply)
he fucking loves them

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:24, Reply)
See Nipples and die, m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:25, Reply)
weirdest doctor who episode ever

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:48, Reply)
James Bond film innit?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:12, Reply)
This one:
nighthawknews.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/domino-basinger.jpg
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:18, Reply)
not keen on the man with the golden gun
moonraker and live and let die i'll watch over and over
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:19, Reply)
oh come on, Herve Villechaise alone is fucking amazing
Christopher Lee as well? I say again OH COME ON
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:23, Reply)
The book is pretty crappy, though.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:26, Reply)
they all are tbh
Little more than luxury brand name-dropping exercises in parts. No wonder they translated so well into films, they're product placement wet dreams
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:28, Reply)
dunno, most of the brands were things people could afford and live that james bond lifestyle, booze fags even watches, maybe his love of bentlys might of been a stretch for some

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:35, Reply)
Not sure how many people were in the market for a '59 Dom Perignon either tbh

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:38, Reply)
But the books were of that era , how much was that in 59? Flemming was just setting a scene which was much needed after 50s austerity, people liked reading about good things

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:41, Reply)
yeah I get that, the escapism and glamour were badly needed at that point

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:43, Reply)
cheaper then than now obv, but it's a grand a pop these days

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:42, Reply)
a rolex sub was around 100 quid maybe a bit less , monthly salary around 60, so affordable to some,now it's £2000 a month but a sub will sat you back 6500, quiet the difference , soz i can only do maths in watches lols

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:52, Reply)
#ripoffbritain

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:54, Reply)
and if you want to buy that 100 quid watch now
www.chrono24.com/rolex/vintage-submariner-big-crown-james-bond-ref-6538-submariner-solo-gilt-dial-stainless-steel-bj-1958--id5619168.htm
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:55, Reply)
wow
Does the Bond connection make them more expensive?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:58, Reply)
nah not really, just rare and much sought after watches

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:02, Reply)
i know, i know
but i just can't get into that one
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:29, Reply)
jaws 5: this time it's hayling
www.portsmouth.co.uk/our-region/hayling-island/great-white-shark-spotted-off-hayling-expert-claims-1-8027484
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:52, Reply)
Yeah, I saw that
bloody immigrants
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:01, Reply)
+ men, hallelujah!

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:10, Reply)
every summer it's the same
there's no reason for one not to be here, but i don't think there's ever been a confirmed sighting
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:20, Reply)
best quiz eva
www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/15374171.Dartford_set_to_be_first_Kent_town_with_a_Taco_Bell____so_try_our_Taco_or_Bell_quiz_to_get_you_in_the_mood/
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:11, Reply)
christ almighty

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:13, Reply)
But are you in the mood for a taco bell?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:22, Reply)
defo

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:23, Reply)
Ye gods.
Even more guesswork than the BBC's News of the Week.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:14, Reply)
1 :(

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:22, Reply)
Somebody doesn't know their bellends

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:23, Reply)
You think I'd be a fucking expert, the amount of time I spend on here

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:34, Reply)
wut

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:26, Reply)
Amazing

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:29, Reply)
did rob make this quiz?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:57, Reply)
Doubt it.
He's far too busy telling people not to tell him what they do with their raspberry pi's and tweeting about what happens to socks if you walk on bleached floors.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:00, Reply)
Camping in the Norwegian fjords still counts as the best one so far
Wife and I want to do Finland next. My in-laws live half an hour from the Lithuanian border, so we can prolly drive to Helsinki (incl. ferry) in a day, then head up to the northern lakes from there for a week of complete isolation from all humanity.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:12, Reply)
My house is about to fill up with in-laws, and I'll be relegated to the pullout bed in the playroom for a week.
BONUS A: my distaste for travel is well documented. Any "break" longer than a couple of days feels like too long.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:13, Reply)
Have you considered taking refuge in a hotel?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:25, Reply)
I have, yes,
but I think it'd be bad form to abandon my wife to look after the kids (and dogs). Particularly as the visits have been promoted by a funeral, so any expression of dissent is going to mark me out as a prize cunt.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:29, Reply)
gutted.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:34, Reply)
you could claim to be so grief-stricken that you can't cope with being around people

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:38, Reply)
I'll do what I always do:
quietly get on with things as if nothing were the matter.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:46, Reply)
whatever works

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:48, Reply)
fenals beach
rooftop jacuzzi and bar and no kids allowed. utter bliss.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:17, Reply)
ANAL BLEACH, more like

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:23, Reply)
none of that nonsense here, m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:28, Reply)
What ring tone would you like?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:48, Reply)
None of that jamba rubbish.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:49, Reply)
Crazy Frog remix

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:52, Reply)
The Buffoon

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:57, Reply)
just changed it to thunderstruck, so i'm good

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:09, Reply)
possibly my favourite of all their records
The start of the Donington DVD is breathtaking
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:24, Reply)
fun riff to play, too
then you can really show off, and play it one-handed
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:27, Reply)
I can't :(

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:28, Reply)
It's not that hard
I believe in you, m8
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:29, Reply)
i started listening to them years back
after watching maximum overdrive, which they did the soundtrack for. that's probably why who made who is pretty much my favourite of their songs
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:31, Reply)
The hearing in my right ear was permanently damaged by 'For Those About To Rock' at Wembley Arena
Specifically, a cannon going off directly above my head.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:34, Reply)
My brother has had tinnitus ever since we went to see Loop at the West Indian Club in Southampton in the 80s

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:36, Reply)
that is the coolest way to go deaf. ever.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:40, Reply)
I remember when Back in Black came out
I lived in Cheltenham at the time - my brother's year at school went mental for it, so, being 7, I copied him.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:34, Reply)
^never gone back

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:35, Reply)
i was more into Queen back then
Bohemian Rhapsody is the first song i can ever remember hearing as a child.
apart from my mother singing Stand By Your Man
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:42, Reply)
My dad taught us all about 50s rock'n'roll, surf rock and the Shadows into the Stones and Hendrix, reggae and so on
Pretty cool for a public schoolmaster/chaplain really.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:46, Reply)
my mum liked bent shit like Simon & Garfunkel and Joan Baez :(

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:47, Reply)
my dad doesn't listen to music
and mum's an ex country singer, so we had to put up with lots of patsy cline and johnny cash. didn't mind marty robbins so much, though
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:49, Reply)
I like bluegrass and yer Hank Williams and so on, but most commercial country is so sentimental and twee it turns my stomach

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:57, Reply)
i was always meant to be part rocker, part metalhead

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:01, Reply)
Bohemian Rhapsody is like well good and everything.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:04, Reply)
it's been played so much, it's only ironically cool now

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:07, Reply)
Hwrro flebbo.
Nothing is particularly pissing me off at the minute sorry.

I like a city break on the whole. Especially in Italy. Where there is enough interesting and fun stuff going on, bit of night life and some decent grub. I also rather like Prague. I do not enjoy lying on beaches a great deal, but do like a walk along the coast and a dip if it's warm enough and there aren't too many people looking at how fat I am.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:27, Reply)
kayaking in North Carolina with Ben Elton

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:33, Reply)
dog penises through the ages with Chris Packham, you mean

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:34, Reply)
chris takes his work with him
it's never a holiday when he's around
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:36, Reply)
he's a driven man

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:01, Reply)
I've had too much coffee today and now I'm tired.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:33, Reply)
If this tiny piece of chicken doesn't work its way out from between my teeth soon I am going to smash them all out

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:35, Reply)
Go get a tooth brush or some floss of something

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:36, Reply)
nah, easier to smash all my teeth out

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:01, Reply)
I had a bit of apple skin get stuck so firmly once that I had to go to the dentist.
Right pain in the arse, that was.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:39, Reply)
Strikey G fore

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:43, Reply)
headbutt a table really hard
that will dislodge it
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:41, Reply)
don't you carry floss with you?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:43, Reply)
no

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:01, Reply)
i can't stand things sticking in my teeth
so i always have floss
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:10, Reply)
Unless I get dental work to sort my tooth out, it looks like I will need to start carrying it

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:26, Reply)
i had a weird hook at the base of one tooth
and food would always get stuck there. once i got it crowned, no more problem!
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:29, Reply)
Basically one of the points on the top of my molars has sheared off leaving a kind of sharp V
It doesn't hurt but it's annoying me and I am concerned it could lead to rot.

What especially upsetting for me is that aged 43 I've never had a filling so this feels like the start of me getting older and shit breaking
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:32, Reply)
you can get stuff from the chemist to fix it
but it only lasts about 6 weeks. getting it ground down or capped may be your best option. i clench my teeth in my sleep, so i'm slowly destroying mine. i've got 6 crowns so far and 5 teeth missing
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:47, Reply)
fuck

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:48, Reply)
luckily i've got a slight overbite
so my beautifully straight and sharp front teeth are all present and correct
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:53, Reply)

i had a weird hook at the base of one tooth + I was once really constipated, my colon was all bunged up

i got
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:32, Reply)
silly person.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:39, Reply)
Send a fox in to get the chicken

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:44, Reply)
hahaha

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:59, Reply)
Do it.
Get a nice set of falsies.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:48, Reply)
LEEROYYY JENNNNKIIIIINNNNNSSSS

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:53, Reply)
My arse, three poos so far today and it feels like there is another in the chamber :(
And Acadia National Park, at the tippy top of Maine. Lovely place.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:46, Reply)
I had a good few yesterday.
They were like a timeline of my weekend, two red wine shits sandwiched between pringles.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:03, Reply)
Are you shitting into Pringles boxes
again?

Once you pop, you can't stop - I know...
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:14, Reply)
+ l

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:18, Reply)
What a fucking cunt
pbs.twimg.com/media/DDVWbwBWAAU4nuv.jpg:large
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:24, Reply)
What's "BU" supposed to signify?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:27, Reply)
Belgian Unicorn

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:29, Reply)
Belgian Unicorn
EDIT: Oh sorry, Boyce already said.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:30, Reply)
I would guess at probably around 50

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:28, Reply)
When you 'guess' you make a 'gu' out of 'ess'
there
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:31, Reply)
oh I wouldn't want people to think I had done that
I retract my foolish estimate
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:33, Reply)
I made a gu come out of my pen-ess

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:48, Reply)
don't let her grind you down

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:31, Reply)
Well we can't all afford Harvesters, can we :(

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:34, Reply)
:(

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:59, Reply)
I try and invert the genders of this sort of stuff to see if it would be socially acceptable
but I'm trying to imagine a Dad expressing the petty triumph of another discovering another father buys his kid junk food.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:34, Reply)
If she was so keen to buy more of these dolls,
why did it take her weeks of fruitless shopping before she thought of picking up one of the dolls and looking for the label?
If this story isn't made up, then she's so spectacularly thick, she'll probably forget to breathe.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:25, Reply)
One word, m8: Mumsnet

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:28, Reply)
The very existence of mumsnet makes me very cross.
Why women feel the need to out themselves as being just as thick as men, mystifies me.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:31, Reply)
i like a good demoparty

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:33, Reply)
Today,
I've come to work wearing a black ribbed jersey with epaulettes, a white shirt, black trousers and boots. In other words, I look exactly like a prison officer. Still, it's more glamorous than the time I wore a shirt to Toys 'R' Us and a woman thought I worked there, because I was wearing a shirt, obviously.

Ever been mistaken for a member of another profession because of what you were wearing?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:25, Reply)
When I used to go to the pub straight after working in a certain bookies that rhymes with "madfucks" people sometimes asked if I was a postman.
Which would be a bit odd, given I usually clocked off at around 21:30.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:27, Reply)
Ah, you'd be one of them 'night postman' fellers, woudn't you now?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:29, Reply)
There was a post sorting office just off Tottenham Court Road in that there London
You'd frequently find the sorters in pubs round there on a weeknight drinking from 9ish before their night shift started.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:33, Reply)
My mate was a postie in the summer when he was a student.
He ostensibly did it to save some cash before going back to uni, but never managed it as he typically ended up on post-work pub crawls before crawling into bed half-cut at 7pm.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:34, Reply)
I'm convinced posties and binmen go on midday pub crawls together.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:39, Reply)
I saw a lady binman the other day. World's gone mad.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:40, Reply)
*shrivels defensively into gentleman's club armchair*

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)
there's a lady binman round our way
at least, she's a lady now
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:07, Reply)
Did you make a woman of her?
Is this some "Confessions..." style sexual hijinks?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:11, Reply)
god, no
she decided she wanted to be a woman for her own reasons. haven't seen her around for a while, though. she was knocking on a bit, she may have retired
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:13, Reply)
Did she get her former unmentionables caught in the lorry's lifting mechanism?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:11, Reply)
not that i know of

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:13, Reply)
My wife thought I was a GP when we first met
As I was wearing a smart shirt with a nice wool jumper over the top and a blazer. After a few minutes of talking, that thought she had was quickly destroyed.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:29, Reply)
More people should wear stethoscopes on dates, I've decided.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:30, Reply)
Sounds gay M8
Especially them shoulder appendages.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:30, Reply)
I'll tell my ex-girlfriend she bought me a gay jumper then, shall I?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:33, Reply)
i'm sure she knew what she was doing

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:43, Reply)
I thought about that for a moment,
and wondered if it might have been a coded message to tell me she liked it up the arse. But she didn't, so it can't have been that.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)
Don't get snippy cos your bird dresses you, M9

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:07, Reply)
I've accepted the fact that I have no concept of fashion or colour-matching.
I choose clothes based on the following criteria: they must be comfortable and not too expensive.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:09, Reply)
^this
but with added clean and not creased
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:14, Reply)
^wears them trousers they advertise in the back of the daily mail.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:17, Reply)
I don't read the Daily Mail so I don't know what you're on about.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:19, Reply)
Same. But I can shop at Asos or another online retailer myself!

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:51, Reply)
no

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:31, Reply)
You're one of those people who call premium numbers for opinion polls so you can say "I don't know."

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:32, Reply)
"Whats the vanilla options of this?"
"Neither agree nor disagree"
"That. I'm that"
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:34, Reply)
No I'm not.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:43, Reply)
I wore my dad's tactical police suit for a fancy dress party once
Nearly got bottled on the way home because some drunk chavs decided to 'fuck the po-po', as urban yoot would say.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:32, Reply)
Blimey.
I spent a couple of years as a teenager travelling internationally wearing army surplus, until my dad pointed out that it might make me a little bit of a target.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:34, Reply)
Impersonating a police officer is a crime.
I'd have thought your dad would have known better.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:35, Reply)
I didn't have the velcro patches with POLICE on them
and that's what matters. It's the act of identifying yourself as a policeman when you're not one.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:37, Reply)
"but have fun at the party son, and clean the ASP when you get home".

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:38, Reply)
I spent many an evening, "cleaning the asp", iykwim.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:39, Reply)
Alright, Cleopatra.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:40, Reply)
:)

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)

:) comin' at'cha
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:47, Reply)
Got more straw than a cottage roof thatcher

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:51, Reply)
When I worked at BhS,
I'd often get mistaken for a staff member in the branch of Boots, next door.
Pretty wild, huh?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:34, Reply)
Did you used to skive off by hiding in boots or something?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:36, Reply)
Shopping on my lunch break.
This is one of the more exciting anecdotes to have graced this website, I'm sure you'll agree.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:38, Reply)
I used to have a pint and play arrows when I worked in the bookies.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:40, Reply)
Lunchtime booze has always made me sleepy.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:42, Reply)
Well it's good that 'sleeping in the back office' wasn't entirely frowned upon.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:53, Reply)
how did you cope?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:37, Reply)
Killed myself.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:39, Reply)
To be fair,
they both begin with a 'B'.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:37, Reply)
Exactly the same, but Clintons rather than BhS
An old woman (in Boots) called me rude because I said I didn't know where a paticular product was.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:39, Reply)
you could have helped her look

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:40, Reply)
I would have if she hadn't been rude to me

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)
no wonder the service industry is in decline in this country standards wise with unhelpful people like you, the customer is always right, you rude man

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:46, Reply)
the high street's dead

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:47, Reply)
in your heart

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:47, Reply)
the customer is always right, m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:47, Reply)
If you walk around a hospital, wearing a shirt, and with an NHS ID badge,
there's a reasonable chance of being mistaken for a doctor.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:40, Reply)
I'm not entirely convinced I didn't end up being seen by a janitor last time I booked a doctors appointment.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:41, Reply)
Testing your prostate with a broom handle is standard practice.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:45, Reply)
It's a shame I don't have an NHS ID badge knocking around at home.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:43, Reply)
I've got a spare.
Probably illegal for me to sell it to you, though.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)
What's a liddle bit of crime between friends, though, eh lads eh eh eh lads eh eh?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:49, Reply)
for tangles, the stupid hippy
www.drmartens.com/uk/c/vegan
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)
"Felix rub off"

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:48, Reply)
I haven't worn docs since I was a teenager
can I still get away with it at my age?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:53, Reply)
I think the tie dye sandals would suit you

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:54, Reply)
UN Secretary-General

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:45, Reply)
yeah I get mistaken for the pope like all the time

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:49, Reply)
Back when I taught English, I worked in both a financial IT firm and a few of the bank HQs in the city.
One financial trader came to the IT firm for software training, then saw me in his bank a month later schmoozing with the CEO. He put two and two together and decided I was a top level salesman or account manager of some sort, to have the private ear of the boss of the bank two mornings a week. He revealed this when he caught me cleaning the bank's coffee machine one day, and asked why "someone of my importance" was doing such a menial job.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:52, Reply)
Did you say you were taking part in one of these programs
where the CEO pretends to be an underling in order to find out what his actual underlings think about the company?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:55, Reply)
See, I think your problem here is that you've confused 'teaching english' with being a 'vending machine technician'.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:55, Reply)
it was barely Teaching English
for the journalists it was "let's rewrite your story from scratch"
for the IT guys it was "let me proofread this documentation for you"
for the marketing guys it was "yeah, try not to use that word in the future"
for everyone else, it was psychoanalysis, therapy and bullshitting over coffee.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:58, Reply)
I think the biggest flaw in any documentation I do is that it's invariably done weeks later when I've forgotten what I did but my boss is nagging me for it (after making me do something else that has been deemed more important).
And have just wanked it out without any real care for whether it makes sense or is usable.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:02, Reply)
people like you are why I have a job

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:07, Reply)
It makes sense to farm the documentation off to others so us techies can get on with making things work properly, yes.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:18, Reply)
don't kid yourself
I also do testing.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:30, Reply)
Up your bollocks mate, does what the spec said it should do.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:38, Reply)
i've been mistaken for Jo Brand
when wearing black leggings, a black t-shirt, sunglasses and half of the previous night's makeup
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:56, Reply)
You know what they say:
If you look like Jo Brand, you're too ill to travel.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:57, Reply)
i was just very hungover

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:03, Reply)
I walked by her once and my mate said 'fucking he'll Robert Smiths let himself go' I pissed myself

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:08, Reply)
hahaha

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:15, Reply)
lolz

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:53, Reply)
lol. Sadly Shelly Duvall looks a bit like her these days, and is seemingly mental.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:57, Reply)
the singer Jessie J

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:58, Reply)
phwoar

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:05, Reply)
My bathroom scales are wrong
I know this because other scales contradict them and even my tightest clothes fit comfortably.

What are you seriously considering throwing out of a window?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:25, Reply)
oh honey x

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:30, Reply)
Honey? OHHHHHH HONEY.
HoooooNEY
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:34, Reply)
+ G

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:42, Reply)
Theresa May

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:34, Reply)

i.imgur.com/Wd7pa.jpg
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:35, Reply)
is the green one supposed to look like it's crying?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:43, Reply)
Conscription's a bitch.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:45, Reply)
Linton Kwesi Johnson's long-lost first draftzzzzzzz

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:25, Reply)
war is hell

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:46, Reply)
'HOPEFUL' - this machine shreds money, it can get through several million quid in an afternoon.
Angry Scot: 'AHM OOT!'
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:39, Reply)
i dunno, a paper aeroplane or something

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:42, Reply)
Bogies.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:44, Reply)
'Ultimate Breaks and Beats: Instrumentals'
I wish I'd read the reviews before excitedly ordering it. I thought it was studio re-edits of tracks from the original LP series but it seems they're cover versions performed by a live band. I have no use for this and have chucked 20 quid at what amounts to little more than a fucking tribute act.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:44, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:45, Reply)
no m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:46, Reply)
You need to make sure that record is prominently displayed in your collection,
where it can serve as a warning: caveat emptor!
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:59, Reply)
No I don't.
I'll just stick in the rubbish crate along with the other weird shit like my ex girlfriend's drum and bass records.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:07, Reply)
wait, as in your ex had a collection of DnB records or they actually released some?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:09, Reply)
the former (this isn't my kid's mum btw)
She also had shit like Donna Summer - and I've various records by my mates' bands which are 'not for me'. I should chuck them all out really
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:11, Reply)
poor windy

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:17, Reply)
Have you ever heard Tangles' LP?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:22, Reply)
yeah, course
i listen to it every day
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:37, Reply)
:(

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:03, Reply)
I actually like it, which is rather disappointing from a bullying standpoint

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:19, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:20, Reply)
save them in case of zombie attack

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:12, Reply)
^

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:47, Reply)
NO. M8.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:51, Reply)
Lol

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:54, Reply)
it's not funny m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:06, Reply)
lol u dun fucked up

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:55, Reply)
I did

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:12, Reply)
g'wan, chuck it out
i bet it'll fly a long way
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:01, Reply)
Wang it up on discogs.
Some wally will buy it.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:01, Reply)
lol wang

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:04, Reply)
more trouble than it's worth, going to the post office and so on
I'm just writing it off as a misfire
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:13, Reply)
Was it on the Pickwick label?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:16, Reply)
Nah, TEG
www.discogs.com/Ultimate-Breaks-Beats-Instrumentals/release/1567396
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:25, Reply)
You'd have been better off with Geoff Love

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:14, Reply)

Geoff self
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:22, Reply)
ha

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:23, Reply)
a DVD on cat fannies through the ages, presented by Ben Fogle

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:46, Reply)
he's dreamy

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:58, Reply)
The story of him getting spiked with acid and trying to jump out of a window is one my all time favourites.
However the no.1 position will always be the John Savident police call transcripts. Never fails to lift the spirits.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:09, Reply)
I so wish I was there to see Fogle off his nut

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:12, Reply)
I'd pay top dollar for video footage

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:14, Reply)
That's the most radical way to out yourself I've ever heard of.
Also: ""I suddenly felt somebody come up behind me and whizz me round so I was face down on the bed and then I felt a prick on my throat", phrasinglolz.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:18, Reply)
It's hysterical from start to finish

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:26, Reply)
Everything

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:54, Reply)
myself

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:57, Reply)
i'll catch u hun

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:02, Reply)
x x x

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:12, Reply)

jelly.b3ta.com/talk/8090057
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:59, Reply)
haha, imagine it sticking to the living room window of the house across the street
and then flopping down like one of those window flinger things
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:19, Reply)
ugh
then once it hits and the ground and gets covered in fluff, it's completely useless.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:26, Reply)
well, MORE useless

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:33, Reply)
It's served its purpose
It deserves to be released into the wild
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:39, Reply)
a clock, to see if time flies...oh hahahaha, but seriously time is an abstract concept so this isn't really a joke

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:00, Reply)
shut up MGT

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:01, Reply)
time flies like an arrow
fruit flies like a banana

there
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:02, Reply)
This is excellent

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:16, Reply)

excellent a very very old joke
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:20, Reply)
You may also be interested by
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:22, Reply)
You may also be interested by
"There are 10 different types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't"
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:25, Reply)
You may also be interested by
My penus and helmit
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:25, Reply)
Now there's a joke if ever I saw one.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:28, Reply)

you'll need this
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:32, Reply)
Your image-fu is busted, sahib.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:11, Reply)
Nothing
Yet. What is wrong with a bit of podge eh?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:02, Reply)
Many things

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:10, Reply)
name 6

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:20, Reply)
Teve

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:26, Reply)
I mean actually giving the number 6 the name 'Teve'

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:27, Reply)
because then when you looked up the number in a dictionary, it would say
See: six, Teve
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:28, Reply)
fucking hell, ma8e

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:38, Reply)
I no rite

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:42, Reply)
kill yourself, m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:00, Reply)
but I'm killing it here m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:07, Reply)
2 irritating people
A breadmaker, a broken cabinet, a pile of old cds and a toilet shaped ashtray
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:04, Reply)
how did the ashtray offend you to the point of defenestration?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:10, Reply)
it's a stupid shape
you either burn your fingers trying to put your fag out, or they get jammed in the sodding thing
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:04, Reply)
ebay

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:55, Reply)
anything steam punk

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:55, Reply)
The Chaos Engine is one of the greatest video games of all time.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:58, Reply)
Didn't that have a Bomb The Bass soundtrack?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:04, Reply)
That was Xenon-2, another Bitmap Brothers classic.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:23, Reply)
Speedball 2 ate up an awful lot of my teenage years.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:31, Reply)
I liked their work with Justin Warfield

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:24, Reply)
people

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:56, Reply)
people who 'shhh' me

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:56, Reply)
people who eat breakfast at work

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:56, Reply)
radical Islam

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:01, Reply)
gnarly!

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:02, Reply)
Famine
winds me right up
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:02, Reply)
the magic beans that my idiot son swapped for our cow

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:05, Reply)
comedy musicians

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:18, Reply)
I'm being serious you fucking bully

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:23, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:39, Reply)
I'd like to be the first to with you a morning in return
MORNING!
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:44, Reply)
with you were here

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:49, Reply)
when you with upon a star

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:50, Reply)
I with I was a little bit taller

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:50, Reply)
sorry, I'll stop taking the pith now

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:50, Reply)
Thankth

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:06, Reply)
Morning.
Went to a bike show last night. Bikers are pricks mate.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:55, Reply)
I've got less and less time for enthusiasts of any kind
it's just back-slapping and ostracism, no matter what.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:02, Reply)
Yeah, i had a bit of a chat with a few people,
There were maybe 100 classic bikes, and then a few thousand mixes of choppers and sports bikes. Loads of wankers in leather having a dick measuring contest. Couldn't get near a beer tent. I had a look at a few bits and just decided I was better off just going for a ride.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:10, Reply)
An event like that needs a steam engine
in the corner just to mellow things out a bit. Every hour or so they need to do a wood-sawing demonstration and then the whole event will be much more fun.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:17, Reply)
The reason that I met Mrs Hats centered around my biker mate being a knob
hth x
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:44, Reply)
Anyone who wears a cutoff leather vest is a wanker.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:50, Reply)
:((((

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:50, Reply)
It's all the "bikers are my family" "live fast, die young" bullshit I can't get

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:08, Reply)
Nothing says Cool Dude like shutting a dual carriageway for four hours while the police try and collect as much of you as possible

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:13, Reply)
"All they found was a scrap of skin, tattooed with a pair of flaming dice"

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:20, Reply)
Die young and leave a raspberry jam streak down the road

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:38, Reply)
*books tattoo appointment*

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:39, Reply)
Is that, like, really gay dice?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:53, Reply)

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/86/ad/09/86ad0914e655e71128c95b7a9dbeae7c.jpg
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:26, Reply)
Ah, my friend wasn't that sort of biker
but a pillock, nonetheless
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:53, Reply)
"Hello girls, who'd like to feel something big and hot throbbing between their legs?"
that sort of thing. I married the one girl who rolled her eyes and said "oh, for fucks sake"
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:54, Reply)
Ha, yeah there was a lot of blokes waddling around in racing Leathers.
I don't see how you can go fast enough on the roads these days to need a super sport. Track days are a good shout, but imagine hitting a pothole with a knee down on a country road. Instant death.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:04, Reply)
Mighty Morphing Power Rangers!!!!
I used my leather biker trousers ONCE on a track day, apart from that they've been used exclusively for kinky purposes.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:37, Reply)
I saw a bloke in full one piece racing suit, waddling about because of all the armour.
Gets on a cb250.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:40, Reply)
D'awww!

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:00, Reply)
true

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:31, Reply)
morning
It's raining
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:57, Reply)
highs of 25 here, I'm already sweaty

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:03, Reply)
Mornholes.
Ha, remember that one? 'Mornholes'? Yeah, anyway.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:03, Reply)
holes are well funny
get it? well? like a hole? hahahah
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:14, Reply)
What,
like this sort of hole?.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:19, Reply)
I expecting a pic of courtney love's clunge tbh

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:28, Reply)
While a picture like that certainly has merit,
I'm not sure I'd describe it as funny.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:31, Reply)
I bet it smells funny

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:44, Reply)
Pictures don't usually smell of anything much m8.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:14, Reply)

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3896642/Student-artist-uses-MENSTRUAL-BLOOD-recreate-ancient-female-cave-paintings.html
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:22, Reply)
It's almost refreshing to see the Daily Heil cover something so artistically empowering.
I'm surprised they didn't title the article "UNEMPLOYED WOMAN USES OWN BLOOD TO MOCK TERRORIST VICTIMS".
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:37, Reply)
force fed crap and you fucking lap it up

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:13, Reply)
^dyslexic fish enthusiast

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:15, Reply)
Sup

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:26, Reply)
war's fucked, what's the point

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:29, Reply)
Another tough one, I'm fucked now my th is upgraded, losing 600k a raid

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:33, Reply)
you upgraded two hats?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:25, Reply)
Not sure I have anything to add to this thread.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:39, Reply)
you can still participate, we're a team

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:44, Reply)
never stops anyone else!

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:25, Reply)
alright gmc

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:57, Reply)
I'd love a massive 80s blocky yank van
something with a stupid 7 litre engine
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:03, Reply)

ROOBY ROOBY ROOOOOO
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:09, Reply)
Many of them have rouched leather
really eye-poppingly bad. It never ceases to amaze me what the yanks think constitutes luxury.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:39, Reply)
velour
velour everywhere
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:41, Reply)
Rip harry borer

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:10, Reply)
yeah... "morning"

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:18, Reply)
*canned applause*

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:20, Reply)
*exaggerated eye roll*

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:26, Reply)
fine, be like that

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:23, Reply)
there's a new thread now anyway
looking like ANOTHER contender for 'worst thread of 2017'
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:26, Reply)
alright

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 22:29, Reply)
alright MGT

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 22:56, Reply)
Evenin'

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 22:58, Reply)
FFS

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 23:06, Reply)
alright mgt :)

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 23:06, Reply)
alright mgt

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 23:08, Reply)
alright mgt

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 23:10, Reply)
alright mgt

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 23:15, Reply)
alright mgt

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 23:15, Reply)
alright mgt

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 23:33, Reply)
Morning

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:23, Reply)
alright smt

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:33, Reply)
In the spirit of PMQs.
What the FUCK do you want?
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:26, Reply)
Is that "Portsmouth Massive's Questions"?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:29, Reply)
It can be.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:29, Reply)
i'd prefer not to be called that, thank you

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:40, Reply)
Two pints of lager
and a packet of crisps.
Please.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:38, Reply)
nothing

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:38, Reply)
I want to go home please JMG

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:38, Reply)
^
i keep nodding off
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:39, Reply)
I had such a good weekend that I am rather miserable today
The contrast is painful
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:42, Reply)
I tried to have a power nap on the shitter earlier.
It did not work.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:11, Reply)
Try having a power shit instead, HTH.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 18:18, Reply)
a DVD on dog penises through the ages, presented by Chris Packham

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:39, Reply)

r w
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 20:53, Reply)
The Willy Wild Show

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 22:39, Reply)
woah, bold AND italic?
that's one fancy fuck
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:40, Reply)
hi manolith

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:41, Reply)
hi richard mcbeef off the internet

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:44, Reply)
I took part in - and won - my first raid today
It was alright.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:49, Reply)
i did too!
got a weezing, which i didn't have already. lol, wee
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:00, Reply)
disgusting

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:02, Reply)
I got a Bayleef which I also didn't have
Plus yesterday I finally evolved my Tyranitar having walked the cunt from 40 candy to 100. I am about 20 candy away from my 7th Gyarados now: when trading is introduced I am hoping those will become of use to me.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:04, Reply)
i've seen a couple of raids against tyranitars
but there's not been enough people around to make it worth a shot.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:07, Reply)
Mine today was against an Arcanine, it was only 4000 CP

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:09, Reply)
I don't understand how you get coins now , I took a gym and got 6 or saink

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:06, Reply)
You accrue them on an hourly basis whilst you're in a gym
If you get kicked out in less than an hour you get nothing - otherwise when you do get kicked out you get the coins then
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:07, Reply)
i see, they never explain anything these crazy japs

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:08, Reply)
the new update is a boon to gps spoofers like you, you dirty cheater
once you've taken a gym, you can just be there feeding berries to your pokemon any time someone attacks it
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:11, Reply)
i'll have you know my local is a gym so i can sit in the pub and feed berries

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:25, Reply)
Aparently Niantic are working on an anti spoofing feature
Where Pokemon caught using third party software will be marked with an X, act erratically in combat, and other things to fuck up players using them. How they'll implement it is beyond me though
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:57, Reply)
Worse than hitler

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 17:32, Reply)
I know, its stupid because anything they try will be broken in minutes
Causing an arms race between the devs and the community. See also DRM, exactly the same mess there
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 20:00, Reply)
It's another game that lost most of its players within a month , now just let people use it as they want

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 20:17, Reply)
they've revised that to a coin every 10 minutes because one an hour was fucking shit

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:08, Reply)
ah OK

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:10, Reply)
up to a maximum of 50 coins, i believe

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:12, Reply)
Just tell me where I jizz so I can give this lady her drink.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:44, Reply)
...not that he's ever had one?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:21, Reply)
Here's to your bold italics, Frank

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:10, Reply)
to zig-a-zig-ahh

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:40, Reply)
to break free
*hoovers*
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:42, Reply)
oh, you've broken free for sure

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:43, Reply)
you know it pal

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:50, Reply)
to rock right now, I'm Rob Base and I came to get down

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:43, Reply)
<s> rob</s> in home

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:45, Reply)

down a 5L tub of magnolia satinwood emulsion and two spare rollers
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:48, Reply)
they don't write lyrics like that anymore, do they?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:01, Reply)
Kids today, they don't know anything

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:05, Reply)

magnolia satinwood emulsion supercharged flaming puke
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 17:05, Reply)
^ not really known on the global scene

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:47, Reply)
wasn't his real name ginyard or something?
poor bastard
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:02, Reply)
Crazy Legs from Rock Steady's real name is Richard Colon lol

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:06, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:07, Reply)
Should that be hyphenated?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:22, Reply)
'colon-lol'

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:24, Reply)
th-at?
no ma8, looks weird
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:40, Reply)
what a wan-ker

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:41, Reply)
Oh, you are a one, manolith!

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:44, Reply)
Patatas bravas

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:04, Reply)
Oh man
whenever I make them at home, they always turn out shit and bland
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:14, Reply)
You fuck up fried cubes of potato with two sauces over the top?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:15, Reply)
my favourite tapas is chorizo in port, just so you know

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:16, Reply)
cheers

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:19, Reply)
*updates the 'How to woo McBeef' file*

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:20, Reply)

w p +like
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:48, Reply)
Sunday Times Bestseller, m8

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:52, Reply)
I had heard that you love a good sausaging.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 17:22, Reply)
All I really want, is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:47, Reply)
With one enormous chair.
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?!
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 17:13, Reply)
People will say you can't eat books; films; plays; poems;sculptures; records and exhibitions. But if you don't you starve in a different way.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 17:33, Reply)
I'm glad you haven't died.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 17:48, Reply)
When did I almost?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 18:46, Reply)
WP had you in his sights, decided against pulling the trigger at the last second
Now he's on the run from an assassin sent by his boss to finish the job
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 18:55, Reply)
John Woo will probably chuck a dove or twelve in there for good measure

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 18:56, Reply)
Bridget Fonda got nothing on me.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 18:57, Reply)
How about Superman?
Or Green Lantern?
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 19:05, Reply)
Lies.
On the internet.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 18:57, Reply)

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