If you've not seen Warrior, oh my god it's amazing!

( Boaby Pires Mr bumspastic, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 21:27, 4 replies, latest was 49 minutes ago)

Fuck that cunt, I'm all cuntted* off.
I just went to a cancelled appointement at the hospital, it cost me £15 to get there (or I could have left over an hour earlier and skipped out even more work). When I got there I got greeted with "Oh paul ! Didn't you get my message? I left one at 9. I made a note to call you at lunch to make sure you got it, to make sure, but tee hee, I forgot...." EXACT WORDS TEE-FUCING-HEE. ".... I'm sorry, Dr Whatsitface isn't in today, I'm ever so sorry, we'll call you to arrange another appointment".

So then I could eaither spend another £15 to make it back to my desk just in time to go home, OR, or, I could take the bus to the tube to the overground to home, OR, or, I could spend £25 and get a cab home. So that's what I've done.

£40 is a lot of money when you're right near the end of pay-day week, when you've just got to go ahead and do the same thing the next week.

I'm going to reward myself with an extra tablet (as I'm still down on what I'm supposed to take today), watch me hollyoaks, got some lasagnia in the oven and some pizza express dough balls with my own home made garlic butter dip.

* Does cunted have one t or two ts?
( Save the cheesecake, save the gonz. Withered Bill, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 18:31, 75 replies, latest was 1 hour ago)

vodafone = cunts
that is all
( zulu is yawning, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 16:55, 33 replies, latest was 5 hours ago)

Silly Quinten, you need to ask a question.
If they were making a film of you life, who would you like to play you?

Alt: realistically who should play you?

I'd love to be played by Ed Norton, no idea who it should be though.

AltAlt: Nominate other offtopicers/actors So far we have Monty played by Gary Oldman, Stunned played by Rodney Danderfield, Kroney by Hugh Dennis and Berk by Zooey Daschiel, any more?
( CQ - Being simple, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 14:45, 240 replies, latest was 6 hours ago)

well this is very poor

(Quinten Oftiweak giving away clicks by request, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 14:29, 18 replies, latest was 9 hours ago)

Tell me about your sense of style.
This season i'm going for Whore Couture.

Alt favorite
( Kristine fuck off, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 12:34, 109 replies, latest was 9 hours ago)

Funny/children's names/murder.
1. Which of the current circuit comedians do you find funny? I am v keen on Miles Jupp at the moment. Conversely Russell Kane makes me want to drink bleach.

2. Imagine you are expecting twins, a boy and a girl. What christian names would you give them?

3. You can kill one person with no comeback whatsoever. Who do you choose and why?
( Monty_Boyce "I'm the hardest man on the island.", Wed 22 Feb 2012, 10:21, 202 replies, latest was 11 hours ago)

Morning Ladies
I don't really have much to say. Apart from a quick hello, and um YaaY.

Alt: How much is too much? (I really had to think about that)
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 8:02, 149 replies, latest was 14 hours ago)

Anyone around?
I've had me chips.
(JeffTheDogFucker is not a black dude with natty dreads., Tue 21 Feb 2012, 20:41, 226 replies, latest was 1 day ago)

I am on the final push with one of the dullest assignments ever.
I have decided to race Maximus Decimus Whateverhisfaceis to the finish line. Can he go through his entire story arc before I finish my assignment?

What do you to motivate yourself? Are you really good at getting stuff done or do you put it off to the last minute?

Alt: What song shall we play first at Cuntin's funeral?
(DickGrayson Bobby is fucking ace., Tue 21 Feb 2012, 16:12, 128 replies, latest was 1 day ago)

I've just been self diagnosed with Corvid Obesity
I only have 1 hour and 22 minutes left to live.

What illness es have you got and what would you do if you only had 1 hour and 22 minutes to live?

alt fuck off?
(Quinten Oftiweak giving away clicks by request, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 16:07, 5 replies, latest was 1 day ago)

Favourite country and why?
Alt: Favourite city and why?

Alt alt: Something about badgers/crows/kittens?

Alt alt alt (for quinten): Do you really want to hurt me?
(Set your faces to stunned. Recidivist., Tue 21 Feb 2012, 14:03, 152 replies, latest was 1 day ago)

Pipe down, you lot, that's enough.
Come along, Class 4, settle down. I SAID SETTLE DOWN. Please? Please, class four.

We made a teacher run from the class in tears, she had a mental breakdown and never returned to teaching again.

Ever done something about which you are thoroughly ashamed? Do tell.

Alt: bore the class with your LUNCH-related tedium if you fucking must.
( Monty_Boyce "I'm the hardest man on the island.", Tue 21 Feb 2012, 11:36, 129 replies, latest was 1 day ago)

Good morning shitcunt shutins.
Is this the worst ever response to a QOTW?

b3ta.com/questions/randomactsofevil/post1537114#answers-post-1537133

Alt: NHS reforms - right or wrong?

Alt alt: Make your own up. Do you expect me to do everything for you?
( Battered "one of the more attractive internet shutins", Tue 21 Feb 2012, 8:23, 173 replies, latest was 2 days ago)

Generic Evening Thread
Dinner - reheated chinese from yesterday (special fried rice, chicken'n'cashewnuts in yellow been, crispy shredded chicken (no chili)
Some internet link Here is something really creepy - donglutsdinosaurs.com/gallery-1-tour/
My day - Had a rough day, poor old diddums me. But, but, I then went docs and got some tablets and now I'm alright.
Plans for this evening I'm going to have a destressing bath, with candles and smelly stuff and chocolate.
Thought for the day I'm 100% deffo getting some silk PJs come pay-day.

What's your waffle for the evneing
( Save the cheesecake, save the gonz. Withered Bill, Mon 20 Feb 2012, 18:52, 200 replies, latest was 2 days ago)

OOH! OOH! MR PEEVLY! (spelling corrected)
My question to you is this: when people say that if you're homophobic that must mean you're a bit bent, do these same people think that if you're a racist you must be a bit black*?

Alt: Which is your favourite character in 'The Hair Bear Bunch'?

*or whichever minority applies

PS Sorry about this thread. At least it's a real one, though.

Alt alt: Paedophiles. Why is the collective noun for nonces always a 'ring' and can you think of another group of people with the same one? I can only think of car thieves.
( Monty_Boyce "I'm the hardest man on the island.", Mon 20 Feb 2012, 16:36, 116 replies, latest was 2 days ago)

Techy question (NOT A REAL THREAD)
Can anyone advise me on what wire I need to connect my blu ray to my router and also what the best wire for hooking my amplifier to my TV? I'm googling now and no idea what I'm looking for.
(DickGrayson Bobby is fucking ace., Mon 20 Feb 2012, 16:26, 13 replies, latest was 2 days ago)

This stripper I used to go out with is dead
only she isn't dead, in fact I saw her on the 10th, but her death certificate says the 9th.

Did I have lunch with a Ghost Stripper?

Alt. Battered, Stunned and swipe seem to have it in for me, what has made them so bitter?
(Quinten Oftiweak giving away clicks by request, Mon 20 Feb 2012, 14:45, 94 replies, latest was 2 days ago)

Lunch?

(JeffTheDogFucker is not a black dude with natty dreads., Mon 20 Feb 2012, 13:26, 128 replies, latest was 2 days ago)

Nature or nurture?
Alt: what's your current #1 pet hate?
( Battered "one of the more attractive internet shutins", Mon 20 Feb 2012, 11:24, 148 replies, latest was 2 days ago)

Yeah that weekend was excellent.
I feel perfectly fine this morning, which is a worry.

High points too numerous to mention but taking my kid to the cinema for the first time* was one, as was the epic boozeup on Saturday night, with some advanced homosexuals from the internet.

What about you?

Alt: I saw some shit in the Metro this morning about the 'greatest animated character of all time' - I read it, then I re-ead it, but no. No mention whatsoever of MR PEAVLEY. For fuck's sake. No mention either of The Great Grape Ape. Tsk. And people wonder why I am so depressed about modern society.

*when we went in, the woman said 'enjoy your film' to which my daughter replied 'enjoy your cash register'. Awww.
( Monty_Boyce "I'm the hardest man on the island.", Mon 20 Feb 2012, 8:21, 203 replies, latest was 3 days ago)

Will this assignment ever end? I am so bored of it now.
What are you doing this evening? Has Jeff recovered? Will Barry have a new tale? What has Gonz cooked this evening? How many orcs did Cavy kill? Has Al's plane ditched into the sea?

All this and more on tonight's OFF TOPIC.
(DickGrayson Bobby is fucking ace., Sun 19 Feb 2012, 18:58, 51 replies, latest was 3 days ago)

(sings) Oh what a beautiful morning!
It's a lovely sunny morning, full of promise for a great day ahead, I've already done my first load of washing (cue strikethroughs) and the day is shaping up nicely with a bacon sarnie and a large mug of tea soon to be consumed. Later I'm off to play some guitar in a Lutterworth pub with Pooflake et al and then home for a nomtastic roast dinner.

So, pasty-faced internet shut-ins, what are your plans for such a lovely day?

Alt: Just how bad IS your hangover and what are you going to do to shift it?
(Captain Placid Puveyor of the finest sticky tape in Christendom, Sun 19 Feb 2012, 8:28, 47 replies, latest was 3 days ago)

What's the best song for wanking?
And have you ever had a victory wank? What the fuck is a victory wank? Did I just make it up? YOU DECIDE. DUN DUN DUUUUUN.
( Dr. Shambolic a blithering asshole, Sat 18 Feb 2012, 21:01, 9 replies, latest was 4 days ago)

OK, ok, right, I don't want no links without the artist/song in this....go and load up youtube in a new tab.
Choose a single song for the following situations... they could be new songs that wern't out at the time, it's not truly the song for that situation, but just what gets you thinking about it.

- Your first EP/Single
- Having a crush on someone as a teenager.
- First day's work at your first real job.
- Loosing your virginity.
- Being out and about with all your mates having a proper laugh.
- Your first dance at your wedding with the person you'll stay with forever.
- Having your first kid.
- Your funerial.
- Your welcome party into heaven.
( Save the cheesecake, save the gonz. Withered Bill, Sat 18 Feb 2012, 17:56, 4 replies, latest was 3 days ago)

Good Morning
Today should be epic, what have you got to look forward to?
(JeffTheDogFucker is not a black dude with natty dreads., Sat 18 Feb 2012, 9:50, 44 replies, latest was 4 days ago)

Merry Christmas you fat useless bastards.
( JackAction Poet Laureate of b3ta, Sat 18 Feb 2012, 0:05, 6 replies, latest was 5 days ago)

Fuck you
tomorrow is my birthday.
send gifts.
( Kristine fuck off, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 19:56, 7 replies, latest was 4 days ago)

OK, since all the cool kids will be out having 'fun'...
I intend to stop eating so much crap and cook properly ocassionally. Properly in my book means not supernoodles or pasta for every meal.

So, since you lot are gourmands, please could you help me with recipes. They need to be
a) easy (I am a shit cook)
b) fairly quick (I am lazy)
c) fairly healthy (I am fat)

EDIT: actually it's no surprise I'm single.

Alternatively - YOUTUBE DISCO! favourite song of the moment www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_6-OdsFmLQ
( Captain Cavy looking like an orange vulture, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 18:50, 140 replies, latest was 5 days ago)

OK, thrid new thread of the day, don't ever say I don't do anything for you.
How do you waste time at work when you're not on here?

I've been playing with this today: www.randomwebsite.com/

Alt:If you were made mod for a day, what whould you do? who would you ban, what rules would you enforce, how would you save /ot?
( CQ - Being simple, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 16:35, 146 replies, latest was 5 days ago)