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This is a question The B3ta Cookbook

We're bored of beans on toast. Pretend you're on Pinterest and share your cooking tips and recipes. Can't cook? Don't let that stop you telling us about the disastrous shit you've made.

(, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 21:56)
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the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, she musta been aiming for another organ
I was dating a girl several years my junior, a 2nd year uni student.
that week, i'd cooked her a nice but simple italian meal, she decided to respond in kind.

I turned up at her house just as she was starting to cook.
so she's popped boiling water in a pan. salted it. added pasta. so far so good.
she's chopping an onion. nothing strange here.

ooookaaaaayyy. she's added the onion to the boiling water with the pasta. alarm bells are ringing.

she's now peeling a couple cloves of garlic. where is this going? please god not in the boiling water...

okay she's draining the pasta/translucent slimy boiled onion mess.
now she's heading to the fridge.. what fresh hell is this?

she's emptying a tub of cold, i mean chilled, co-op salsa dip, you know like you would dunk your doritos in, on top of the past and boiled onion.

christ.

but what about the garlic? i'm sure she peeled some garlic..

wait...
she's now GRATING the raw garlic into the lukewarm mess.
Aaaaand.. serve.



still makes me boggle. how did she survive uni? i didn't hang round much longer to find out.
footnote: to quell the inevitable questions of why i didn't say anything- equal parts not wanting to offend, and being tired of dragging my overfilled nutsack about like a fucking spacehopper.
(, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 11:48, closed)
Girl I knew at Uni
used to chop an apple into a bowl (a bowl!) of ketchup, a stick it in the microwave.

To be fair, though, very few students can cook. I was considered a culinary genius in my househare because I could make lasagne.
(, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 12:00, closed)
Did you eat it?

(, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 12:25, closed)
i did
i fucking ate it, and smiled sweetly, and then boned her, and then got a kebab on the way home.
(, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 13:29, closed)
A true
gentleman.
(, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 14:46, closed)
i know right?
i deserve a fucking medal.
(, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 15:23, closed)
In one of those pan-Asian restaurants where you pick your ingredients and they stir-fry them for you
I witnessed a guy who'd decided he was going to have only salad this time round, and the manager had to dash urgently to his table and inform him that that pink, squidgy vegetable he has picked was in fact raw chicken.
(, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 12:56, closed)
You are Algernon Winston Spencer Castlereagh Razzmatazz AICMFP

(, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 14:17, closed)
you sir
are an incomprehensible nincompoop.

tl:dr version : waht?
(, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 15:23, closed)
She survived because you don't need common sense to do well in academic circles.

(, Sat 30 Jun 2012, 14:15, closed)
she was 'studying' sociology
i believe the degree certificates are actually available for free in the gents toilets, on little rolls if you know where to look.
(, Mon 2 Jul 2012, 10:02, closed)

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