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This is a question The B3ta Cookbook

We're bored of beans on toast. Pretend you're on Pinterest and share your cooking tips and recipes. Can't cook? Don't let that stop you telling us about the disastrous shit you've made.

(, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 21:56)
Pages: Popular, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

This question is now closed.

Everybody loves pancakes right?
What do you have on yours? Lemon juice and sugar? Boooriiing!
I make my batter and mix in maple syrup, then all your pancakes taste of maple syrup. Maple syrup also goes well with bacon, everybody loves bacon.
Also, chocolate and cheese go really well together. Treat the pancake like an omelette. Of course, by that I mean cook it on one side, then add chocolate sprinkles on one half of the pancake, then grate some cheese on. Fold the other half over the top to make a tasty chocolate and cheese parcel.
(, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 11:54, Reply)
Chicken Curry.
About 1.5 kg of chook thighs and drumsticks - if you can get Marylands - go for it.
Curry paste - Kari Ayam'll do the trick. Sounds like an Indo-porn star, tastes even better.
Chopped veg - about the same volume/mass as chook.

Coat the chicken in the paste. Watch it for a couple of hours.
Fry the chook in a BIG saucepan. Just brown the outside.
Put the chicken aside & fry the veg in the oil till most of it is fairly soft. Add the chook. And a shitload of boiling water.
Let it simmer on low for a long time - this arvo was 4 Hoegaardens and a couple of cigs.
Eat it with pre-fab brown rice and cucumber grated into greek yoghurt (call it raita if you really want to look like a knobend).

Bet my lunch tomorrow costs less than ABs.
(, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 11:45, Reply)
Gammon Tikka Masala with Polenta Chips.
A delicious bit of fusion cooking using easy stuff from the supermarket and no faff with extra seasoning. It's a great failing of human history that curries were invented in places that don't eat piggies. Although maybe it was the lack of the bacon buttie that spurred them on. Who knows? At least in Greece their ancient wisdom tells them that marinated pork on a kebab spit will bring joy to many...

For 2 helpings you'll need:
1 onion
1 chilli (from those bags of 3 mixed chillis. I like the red one.)
1 red and 1 green pepper (multibag)
2 unsmoked gammon rounds
350g-500g jar of low-fat/good-for-you/healthy-eating tikka massala sauce
500g pack of ready-made polenta (look around the dried peas section; looks like a slab of marzipan)
cooking oil, olive oil

Chop an onion and start to fry in a mix of olive oil and vegetable oil. Then slice open a small chilli. Remove up to half the seeds, depending on how hot you like it, then slice thinly and add to the pan. Slice a red and a green pepper into strips, cut the strips in half, and as the onions start to brown add the peppers. Now cut two supermarket unsmoked gammon rounds into thin strips, then cut across the strips to make cubes and stubby bits. Add those to the pan and keep it all moving and cooking for about 5 minutes or so - look to the gammon bits to see they're cooked.

Squeezing excess oil out, transfer it to a saucepan. Then add around 375g of supermarket low-fat tikka masala sauce. Heat it till it starts to bubble on the surface. Stir occasionally. Leave as long as you like, but at least 10 minutes. (I keep the rest of the sauce to pour over grilled bratwurst/frankfurters with chips).

Clean the frying pan and heat a little olive oil. Slice the polenta as thin as you like (2-3mm is thin and will take up a lot of oil but be more crispy, how I like it. 5-8mm is more normal (I think). Then cut the slices lengthwise into chips. Fry in the oil until they start to turn golden and crispy, then turn over. The thinner they are, the more tricky this is without breaking them. You may find wide tongs better than a spatula, but be careful not to scratch the pan. Drain on some kitchen towel.

Put the polenta chips on one side of a plate and a helping (half) of the curry on the other. Nyom nyom time.

If it's just for one, just do half the polenta, wrap the other half and it'll keep in the fridge a few days. Same with the curry - just take it out and re-heat it. You can always freeze some if you like, but I'm always ready for more the following day. I lightly toasted some granary bread, buttered and grilled it, then used that to dip into the second helping of curry. Very nice too.

You can try other curry sauces and other piggy products, but beware of salt from curing and salty sauces being too much. A bacon jalfrezi sounds nice, but sadly doesn't work like this. Maybe a home-made curry expert could do something with it?
(, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 11:42, Reply)
Might go to the chip shop for my lunch today.

(, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 11:11, 4 replies)
If we're doing poetry, have a depressing one.
The pain and suffering of the modern man
with hope denied, redemption lost,
writ large in teflon frying pan.

In pounds and pence he counts the cost
of "basics" bacon's flaccid sizzle
and watches garlic bread defrost.

Attempts to rescue with a "drizzle"
of extra virgin olive oil
unappetising lumps of gristle.

And sets the broccoli to boil
three minutes more of life to waste
in unremitting pointless toil.
(, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 10:51, 1 reply)

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